Completely dumbfounded as to how Sanjaya Malakar continues to escape elimination on American Idol, Americans went searching for answers.
Scratch that. Americans don’t go searching for answers we go searching for someone to blame.
And within minutes we thought we had found someone, India.
What we came up with was this theory that all of the American businesses that we all resent for outsourcing call centers to India must’ve given Indians access to the American telephone system and they have been making anonymous phone calls on their coffee breaks to vote for Sanjaya because we knew damn well that we aren’t doing it.
But apparently, just like Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction, this was just another convenient scapegoat that looked good on paper.
Evidently most call centers are incapable of dialing the outside world manually. Computers do the dialing.
Well so much for that theory.
I know people wanted so badly to be able to blame India, sorta like NBA fans blame China for making Yao Ming the starting center in the All-Star balloting by eleventy billion votes every year regardless if Yao ever steps foot on the court.
Deep down NBA fans know that as long as Yao Ming has life in his body he will be the starting center in the All-Star game.
Yao could technically never get into a regular season game but he will start in the All-Star game because Americans can’t out vote 1 billion Chinese.
Well American Idol fans were hoping that the answer to the Sanjaya riddle would be just as easy to solve.
But as it turns out, the real answer might turn out to be even more insidious than 1 billion Indians all thinking along the same lines.
Maybe there is a conspiracy out there, wait hear me out, by people who are actually voting for the worst singer on American Idol instead of the best, ultimately ruining the credibility of the entire show and effectively killing the most popular television program in FOX history.
Hmmm interesting thought isn’t it?
So Sanjaya is really just a tool, being used by those men who rule everything from that in the smoky room we always see them sitting in on those television commercials to see if they can make Simon Cowell actually quit like he promised he would if Sanjaya actually wins the contest.
Or maybe, it’s even worse.
Maybe what they said in that movie the Secret is actually true and Sanjaya hasn’t been voted off because he refuses to accept the fact that he is terrible, and we are all powerless to kick him off the show because the universe and the law of attraction is bringing him what he expects, which is to win the American Idol contest.
With all of the metaphysical theories aside, if this whole Sanjaya proves nothing else it does prove that whether it be a meme or a full blown organized conspiracy, people can begin thinking along the same lines and start working together to achieve a goal whether they are aware they are working together or not.