This is even a new low for Mad science.
Scientists have used a nearly ice-cold saline solution to revive dogs that had been clinically dead for over three hours.
The technique requires the scientists at Pittsburgh's Safar Centre for Resuscitation Research to remove all of the blood from the dead dog and then fill the body with this mysterious ice-cold salt solution.
In the trial runs, prior to pulling the switch, the dogs in the tests had stopped breathing, had no heartbeat and no brain activity for over three hours.
After having them marinate in the salt solution for three hours they removed the saline solution, pumped the blood back into the dogs, shocked the fuck out of them with an electric shock device, no doubt tied to a kite floating around aimlessly in a thunderstorm, and next thing you know the dogs are as good as new.
Zombie dogs, but as good as new.
The ice-cold saline solution not only inducing a state of hypothermia before death but it keeps their organs and tissue perfectly preserved and test showed that the dogs had absolutely no brain damage.
They say that the tests they just ran on the dogs will be done on human beings within the year.
And fundamentalist thought that stem-cell research was against God.
See this just goes to show that things can always get worse.
I mean, not that I think that we should look to Jesus freaks as any kind of barometer for whether or not science is taking us in the right directions because let’s be honest, if it was up to them we would still be treating schizophrenia with leeches.
These particular Mad Scientists apparently hope that military doctors and other hacks will be able to use this technique on the battlefield or since we don’t actually have battlefields anymore, they hope that this technology will help out anyone unfortunate enough to be around a flea market when a suicide bomber decides to light the wick on the stick of dynamite he has hidden up his ass.
I don’t want to speak for you but this sounds like a horror movie that is writing itself.
If I have said it once I have said it a million times, you can’t go to the “other side” and come back without bringing something back with you.
I’ll be damn if I am going to be sitting in heaven somewhere enjoying a long island ice-tea getting a blow job from one of my 72 virgins when suddenly, without warning I am snatch back into this world because someone here has separation issues.
I also think it is sorta ironic that for the first time in human history something has actually died and come back from the dead that can be clinically verified and it can only speak “bark”.
You would think that now that we know that it works we could at least try it out on a monkey or something. Then at least we could show it flash cards of things like a “light at the end of a tunnel” or a “pit of fire and brimstone” and have it scratch its tummy when it sees something that it recognizes from the other side.
Something is telling me that deep space travel is not going to be anything like Star Trek when they travel to other planets.
When we do it, although we will be using high technology, I just get the feeling that things are going to be pretty archaic compared to what we think it would be like.
All I am saying is not to be surprised if getting people from point A to point B is going to take from pretty perverse mad science to get it done.
I am talking about people climbing into some chamber, getting all of the blood removed from their bodies and filled with this saline solution that is only a few degrees above zero, and then have them sit around like that for 1,000 years, only to have the blood put back into their bodies just before they arrive at their destination, leaving them virtually unchanged physically and psychologically, except for their insatiable desire to eat human flesh.
"The results are stunning. I think in 10 years we will be able to prevent death in a certain segment of those using this technology," said one US battlefield doctor.
"They're coming to get you Barbara..."