RAW DOGMA written by Nkrumah Steward
|
|
| frequent masturbation protects against prostate cancer |
 Every
so often a few biblical prophesies come to fruition. Very rarely are
they acknowledged or even recognized by the Jesus freak.
Most of the time they are confirmed in a place where fundamentalist
are least likely to look, in a science laboratory among educated people.
Today in Australia a team of scientist confirmed that nerds will eventually
inherit the earth and God wants us to masturbate.
God wants us to masturbate?
Yep.
Evidently this was just yet another example of Jesus freaks misinterpreting
some shit God told them.
Genesis 38:9
Onan knew that the [Deut 25:6] offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He (3) took his life also.
I don't know where they get do not masturbate from that? What I see is some Jerry Springer type shit going on and God got caught a sight of that shit and Onan got rolled on.
However my interpretation isn't the point is it? When this passage
was interpreted to mean don't blow your load in the sink, people were
under the erroneous assumption that the only
point of ejaculating is to get one of your wives pregnant.
Certainly blowing your load all over her breasts isn't a waste if
you are keeping your prostate healthy?
Having created us out of a mound of dirt God knew that the prostate
produces part of the fluid that makes up semen. Since God created
everything in our bodies, it also goes that not only does he know
the life expectancy of everything in our bodies, but how much they
cost to replace both foreign as well as domestic, but he was also
kind enough periodically gives helpful tips as to how to take better
care of each organ to prolong its usefulness.
So as it turns out what God really meant when he said "don't
waste your seed" was "don't
let that shit just sit in your prostate. Frequent self-pleasuring
will protect you prostate cancer."
That is what he really meant.
And that is backed up by hard science so you know if must be true.
A team in Australia at the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, Australia
found that the more men ejaculate between the ages of 20 and 50, the
less likely they are to develop prostate cancer.
"The protective effect is greatest
while men are in their twenties: those who had ejaculated more than
five times per week in their twenties, for instance, were one-third
less likely to develop aggressive prostate cancer later in life."
(BJU International, vol 92, p 211).
If that is the case I am going to live forever.
Here's why.
Evidently fucking other people actually increases the risk of getting
prostate cancer because you increase the risk of infections because
of all of that suspect pussy you dive into while you are inebriated
and your judgment is all twisted up.
If fucking other women is dangerous in my early twenties I might as
well have been that little boy in the bubble.
This blowing your load stuff apparently only pertains to self-pleasuring
or the love that one gets when he lacks either the social skills or
the physical presence to get a woman to consider him anything other
than her friend.
That was the kind I got.
"The more you flush the ducts out,
the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them,"
said Graham Giles the leader of the research team. "Ejaculation
prevents carcinogens building up in the gland. If these findings hold
up, then it's perfectly reasonable that men should be encouraged to
masturbate," he says.
See it only took us a few thousand years to finally get what God was
trying to tell us all along.
So it is true. The lonely nerd will inherit the earth.
Don't worry when I inherit the earth I won't forget about all of you
girls that never gave me the time of day. In fact I will give all
of you a chance to make it up to me before I toss you in the volcano. |
