When I was a kid, I thought Tyrannosaurus Rex was the
shit. I gathered most of that from looking at picture books. I must've
recognized a slight resemblance to Godzilla and I just ran with it.
However, I know wasn't alone. For nearly a century Tyrannosaurus Rex
had been regarded as the prototypical predator of dinosaur era thought
to have struck fear in the hearts of the cold-blooded prehistoric
world with its roar, it's teeth and its two little defeasible arms?
What was up with those two little retarded arms it had anyway? Should've Seen It Clue No. 1
Well apparently, T-Rex wasn't that sweet at all. Evidently, Tyrannosaurus
Rex was a damn near blind, big,
smelly bully that picked on smaller
dinosaurs, waited around for them to capture and kill something and
then jacked them for their shit.
Scientists are now saying that there isn't any evidence of Tyrannosaurus
Rex being a predator at all.
Maybe they would've come to this conclusion sooner had they found
a petrified cast iron stomach lying around.
Now in retrospect, we should've known something was up when we saw
his short ass fucking arms.
How dangerous can you be when you are 16 feet tall with a 36 inch
wingspan?
Tyrannosaurus Rex supposedly stank to high heaven. So who the fuck
was he going to sneak up on smelling like wet ass? Then as if he needed
another secret weakness he was damn near blind on top of that.
Evidently scientists saw the teeth and just assumed it must be able
to kick ass just like I did.
I didn't know any better. I was only 7 years old. What was their excuse?
Tyrannosaurus Rex was kinda like a superhero with a sweet ass costume
that has a superpower that gives him the ability to make your soda
to go "flat".
It was all image.
I figure Tyrannosaurus Rex 's days as the image of the ultimate dinosaur
bad ass are nearly over. You know it's bad when the paleontologist
that was the inspiration for Sam Neil's character in "Jurassic
Park" is the one that is publicly calling out T-Rex. He is even
putting his theory to the test at London's Natural History Museum.
Paleontologist Jack Horner says that just like a vulture, a large
part of Tyrannosaurus Rex's brain was dedicated to sensing smells
and it had a body that was built to travel long distances.
He was built to travel long distances in case he had to cover great
distances in search for food.
If he was such a bad ass what the fuck would he have to be able to
walk long distances for?
Now of course you could say that he was such an efficient killer that
when he completely depleted an area he lived in of all animal life
and had to move somewhere to find new shit to kill.
But that would be a lie.
There was no shortage of food, at least not as a result of anything
Mr. Magoo ever did. Tyrannosaurus Rex had to travel because his big,
blind, rancid ass couldn't catch anything that wasn't already dead
when he got there.
It was inevitable that eventually some little dinosaur that he was
trying to jack for his kill would be hungry enough to call his bluff,
stand up to his punk ass and send Tyrannosaurus Rex running off whimpering
like a little bitch.
Pathetic isn't it?
When I was a kid, I thought Tyrannosaurus Rex was the
shit. I gathered most of that from looking at picture books. I must've
recognized a slight resemblance to Godzilla and I just ran with it.
