Mike Is Almost Broke... 'Ticking Financial Time Bomb'
If Michael is broke, like they are saying that he is,
this would qualify in my mind as the biggest Lou to be committed since
Lou itself.
You've got to be an idiot to have amassed almost half a billion dollars
over your lifetime and to ever be broke. In fact, to me that's a sin.
The chances of anyone having earned 500 million in a lifetime and
then being broke in that same lifetime should be about the same as
the chances of Jesus Christ converting to Zoroastrianism while he
was sitting in a Roman jail.
This wouldn't be the first or the only sin Mike has committed in my
eyes. I don't give a shit about dangling his baby over a balcony and
making them go out in public in their designer Gucci Taliban outfits.
Mike committed the first unforgivable sin way before he adopted all
those little white kids when he was still "Thriller
Mike". His first sin was when he could've fucked every
girl on the planet from like 1982 - 1984 … and didn't even try.
Instead of really trying to out do Elvis and live out every man's
dream he just brought a chimp.
Now if Mike had Ann Margaret in the bedroom, naked, like Elvis did,
with a chimp banging on a pair of symbols while he went to town, now
that would be kinky. Maybe if Mike had Brooke Shields with a chimp
that would be close to Elvis-esqe but something tells me that the
only thing Mike ever took to bed was a chimp,
a coloring book and some milk
and cookies.
So that was Mike's first sin, being in the position of a pop God and
not exploiting that to the fullest.
The second sin… well, I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but
shit, just look at him.
Unless Mike's 30% bionic, "Thriller
Mike" should not have let anyone perform that many operations
on him.
Then again, look whose talking. I don't even like tattoos. I don't
want to do anything to my body that is that permanent. I know myself.
I would put a Wile E. Coyote on my arm and be tired of looking at
it after a week. I don't even understand fucking with my face. That's
sacred. If teeth didn't rot I wouldn't even go to the dentist.
I'll let you take a piece of bone out of my hip to reconstruct my
jaw if I get cold cocked by Mike Tyson and I won't be able to open
and close my mouth without it. But you can't do that shit to me if
it is to make my jaw look like George Clooney.
Now although there are other sins I could mention, for the sake of
space let's just fast forward to Mike allegedly being broke.
How do you go broke with 500 million in the bank?
Don't give me that shit about him needing to maintain his extravagant
lifestyle. Mike needs to have an extravagant garage sale that is what
he needs to do.
He has to be a fucking tard if he doesn't realize that he doesn't
have a God damn job. When you and I get up in the morning we are grabbing
a cup of coffee Mike is outside climbing trees.
Mike's job was to make hit records but nobody wants to see "Bizarro
Mike" pop rockin' in a video that looked like a half-ass
attempt at a "smooth criminal" remake. Maybe he thought
putting Christ Tucker in the video was going to distract us enough
not to notice.
Too bad, we did.
He went to New York recently and when he left the hotel room he had
a 100,000 bill waiting on him downstairs in the lobby according to
Forbes.
Let's play a game. I call it "how the
fuck do you rack up a 100,000 bill at a hotel without piloting a single
engine plane into it?"
Back in 1998 Mike apparently hired Union Finance and Investment Corp.
of South Korea to figure out what the fuck happened to all of his
money and they soon concluded that if they didn't fix his shit, they
couldn't even get paid because Mike was so broke.
Soon after Union Finance was hired they discovered that Mike allegedly
had only two months' worth of available funds.
They say, "For whatever reason, Michael
Jackson is not paying his debts," said Pierce O'Donnell,
a leading entertainment finance lawyer. "He
has little or no means of income. He lives off a line of credit."
Mike is still black all right. Only
a black man could have 500 million dollars in the bank and still have
bad credit.
Forbes magazine last year estimated that Jackson was earning $50 million
a year at the height of his popularity in the 1980s and '90s and had
amassed $500 million over his entire career.
Forbes estimated that now Mike is sitting on $200 million in debts.
They also say that Mike has about 1,000 lawsuits against him.
Mike better call Janet….quick.
If Michael is broke, like they are saying that he is,
this would qualify in my mind as the biggest Lou to be committed since
Lou itself. 
