RAW DOGMA written by Nkrumah Steward
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| Demon Nearly Burns House to the Ground Family Refuses to Leave |
If I learned anything from M. Night Shyamalan's "the
Sixth Sense" it was that it's the little details that
are lost on the dead.
Bruce Willis hadn't taken a shit in like a month. If that was normal
for him no wonder he was dead. If I don't shit in about two days bells
start going off in my head.
Remember when that woman was throwing a fit in the kitchen opening
up and slamming the cabinet doors?
How come she never once said, "What
the fuck? These aren't my dishes?"
After the sixth sense, I walked away with the sense that I was blessed
with only having five.
Not only do I not have the misfortune of seeing some fat ass that
has been dead since 1972 scooting around my apartment with his boxers
down to his ankles looking for where he misplaced his porn stash,
but I also don't have the responsibility of having to break the news
to him that he isn't going to find it either.
But now that a few years have gone by, I am starting to see more old school hauntings starting to pop back into the limelight making me wish again that I had a sixth sense. Because there was a time there after the sixth sense when people thought that ghost just liked to basically hang out.
Yeah right.
A house has to be hard as hell to sell with cold
spots, moving furniture, and
demonic noises coming from the attic
at all times of night but it has to be even harder
to live in.
Like for example, there is a ghost haunting a house in Penalolen,
Santiago that has been known to send flames
shooting up from mattresses, between
the floorboards as people are walking
barefoot down the hallway in the middle of the night and even from
clothing hanging in the closet.
The owner of the house Irma Ulloa blames the pyrokinetic incidents
on a demonic spirit she believes is haunting
the house. She now carries her rosary with her everywhere she goes
and is damn near obsessive compulsive about chanting the Lord's Prayer.
When she invited a minister come by the house to maybe say a spell
or two his Bible exploded into flames when he walked in the front
door.
Damn.
Its no surprise he didn't stay long.
Apparently, the ghost that is terrorizing her home doesn't discriminate
either when handing out hotfoots.
Even her own mother got fucked up and ended up suffering severe burns
to her hands when all she did was reach into the closet to get something
off the clothes rack.
Personally, I am at a loss as to why anyone would live in a house
that was spitting fire through floorboards and flames shooting out
of the toilet like a bidet?
I mean, what the fuck are you trying to prove?
Is it just me or does it seem like this kind of shit always happens
to Catholics?
And I don't believe that hauntings happen to them more often than
anyone else it's just since suffering seems to be such a huge part
of the Catholic upbringing they just seem to be more inclined to hang
around and put up with this kind of bullshit.
Cause I am like, Jesus knows better than to expect me to lay down
in a bed with flames climbing up the head board when I am trying to
sleep.
Does anyone in their right mind think that I honestly would've bought
this house had I known that Balrog
was living in my basement?
Someone in the Catholic Church has got a bum ass job. Every Monday
morning he has a new pile of manila folders on his desk. Each folder
is full of papers from faithful God fearing Catholic placing a formal
request for a priest to come investigate a possible haunting or a
demonic possession.
He could make his life a whole lot easier if he would set up a policy
like the phone company has when you call to report a problem with
your line.
"Unplug the phone for a few minutes.
Plug it back in. If it still doesn't work, try to fix it yourself.
If you still can't get it to work then call us back and we will have
someone out there in about a week."
I mean, he can't steal that one verbatim but something like, "why
don't you just consider moving. That's right. I said move. You don't
get any brownie points in heaven for fighting these motherfuckers.
Put the house up for sale and get the fuck out. You need a real estate
agent not a priest. Thank you, God bless." |
