RAW DOGMA written by Nkrumah Steward
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| In the event of a nuclear War State Farm says "You're on Your Own" |
Ain't that a bitch?
The company that is known for the slogan "like
a good neighbor state farm is there" has just come out
and said that they will no longer cover nuclear-related
auto claims.
They began notifying its 40 million auto policyholders nationwide
of the nuclear exclusion last week.
The new provision states that claims are not covered "for
loss of any vehicle when such loss results from nuclear reaction,
radiation, radioactive contamination, or detonation, or release of
radiation from a nuclear or radioactive device."
So if North Korea strikes first with
a nuclear weapon against the United States you better hope that shit
doesn't hit your car.
Apparently, your automobile used to be covered, or at least there
wasn't any language specifically saying it wasn't
covered and they never bothered to catch it until Bush started pissing
the world off following the advice of his alleged "fanatical
war-mongering fundamentalist pro-Israeli officials" within his
administration. Now apparently the risk of having to pay off damage
taken from a nuclear attack is too high so they are making damn sure
there is no confusion as to who is being left out to dry in the event
of a nuclear strike.
"A nuclear event could have very serious,
catastrophic implications for society, and the same kinds of financial
implications for an insurance company," State Farm spokeswoman
Ana Complain-Romero said.
Man, I hate insurance companies. I know a nuclear event could have
serious catastrophic implications.
That's why I fucking bought insurance
asshole.
I have always said that insurance companies should give a percentage
of your money back each year if you don't file a claim. That is bullshit
that less than 10% of their customers ever file a claim and these
fuckers get to keep all the money for basically doing jack shit for
9 out of 10 of their customers year in and year out.
If I don't go to the doctor, give me my money back. If I don't get
into a car accident give me my money back. If I don't get my garage
destroyed by space shuttle debris give me my money back. I am not
asking for all of it back but have a conscious.
What the fuck did you do for it?
And they wonder why when money gets tight they are the first bill
that doesn't get paid?
I get so sick of hearing about how life insurance companies refuse
people because they are too old or the health insurance companies
turning people down when you are sick.
I have a good friend of mine that can't get life insurance because
he suffers from a rare birth defect called Marphans Syndrome.
They won't insure him because his life expectancy is only 50.
So what are you saying, since you KNOW he is going to die someday
you won't insure him? Fuck dude we are all going to die someday. You
just have a pretty good idea when he is going to check out. All that
tells me is that they have a pretty good idea how many years they
are planning to fuck you before they figure they have to pay out and
50 is too soon.
Bitch, I don't need you when I am young, healthy and virile. I need
you when I am old, sickly and impotent.
I don't need you when I am healthy and you don't need me when I am
sick.
What a great business plan. Let's start an insurance company that
only insures the able-bodied, active, athletic, rosy-cheeked, and
trim. Full coverage life-insurance on the immortal, home owners insurance,
including in the event of nuclear war to anyone with a lunar address
and full-coverage auto insurance for anyone riding a bike.
I wouldn't even need capital to start an insurance company like that.
After a year of collecting money for nothing I should have enough
loot to cover anything that might come up.
I guess it should go without saying that they aren't paying a damn
thing for life insurance if your town gets hit with a nuclear bomb
and you get transported to the fifth dimension.
The Bloomington, Ill.-based insurer said that it went over the policy
and discovered they had no specific language in its auto policies
against claims from nuclear blasts or radiation.
"By excluding this, we feel we are
protecting our financial strength so we can continue to cover losses
like hurricanes, a hailstorm, a kitchen fire, and an automobile accident."
State Farm's homeowner's policies have excluded nuclear-related claims
since the 1950s.
Since Bush took office and started tossing out Axis of Evil shit "all
insurance companies have been reviewing the implications of the war
on terrorism on their business," said P.J. Crowley, vice
president of the Insurance Information Institute. "Weapons
of mass destruction, this is not something the private insurance market
is geared to cover." |
