RAW DOGMA written by Nkrumah Steward
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| Zoo keepers Reject Proposal That They Jerk off Gorilla |
 Zoo keepers at the Taronga Zoo in Sydney, Australia have unequivocally refused a proposal by management to have the zoo keepers go in and jerk off a gorilla that is a resident at the zoo named Kibabu. The suggestion came down from a management team that has grown increasingly frustrated over the difficulty they are having getting Kibabu to fuck the harem of gorillas they put in his cage.
"It was too bloody dangerous,"
a zookeeper said last night. "What
if he woke up?"
How is that for "things you probably
won't hear in your job description during orientation"?
"Hello my name is Judy, I would like to welcome you all here to the Taronga Zoo. Here at the Taronga Zoo your job duties will include, cleaning up animal shit, planting shrubs, making sure there is always a ditch (with water in it) and a fence (with 50,000 volts of electricity flowing through it) between the silverback gorilla exhibit and the paying public at all times. If we are short on help you may be asked to collect tickets stubs at the gate, pick up trash from time to time and (voice lowers to a soft whisper) occasionally you may be asked to manually stimulate the gorillas for our artificial insemination program."
At least management was kind enough to offer to sedate the gorilla first -- but zoo keepers continued to say they wanted no part of it.
Left with no other option management now says they will use an electrical device for a process called electro-ejaculation since the zoo keepers were too pussy to climb into his cage and jerk off the gorilla.
I say they should have some trained professionals (namely me and Lorna
Morgan) to actually fuck each other for a few hours in front
of the gorillas.
After a few hours of us going at it I am sure Kibabu should get some ideas.
Usually works for me. They don't call it the "Discovery
Channel" for nothing. |
