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RAW DOGMA                                                                           written by Nkrumah Steward
Dive-Bombing Birds Drive Off Mail Delivery For Four Days!

I like to think of myself as a natural skeptic. Sometimes there are things that happen that just aren't natural. Cold and distant western scientific explanations for these occurrences just won’t cut it. If I ever need proof of the existence of actual real life working Voodoo I have found it. No one had received mail for 4 days on the 6400 block of Welch Street in Denver. The reason being was a pair of kamikaze birds. A pair of robins began swooping down on mail carriers this week, knocking off their hats, trying to rip out their eyes and clawing at their ears.

"In my 29 years with the post office, this is the first time I've experienced something like this," said Les Carruthers, postmaster for Arvada. "Usually it's dogs we're worried about."

Among a half-dozen or so postal customers missed deliveries due to the attacking birds. People in the neighborhood reportedly had noticed the robins watching them strangely but the birds only seem to attack people in uniform.

They even tried to make an end run to the mailboxes, but the riled robins caught on and attacked.

"We tried other ways to get to the box; we went around the back way," said Carruthers. "The birds would catch him on the back side. They were waiting." Carruthers said when a substitute tried to deliver the mail on Monday, she, too, was attacked.

But by Wednesday for whatever reason, thanks no doubt to some very powerful white magic, the mail got through.

Postal officials were at a loss to explain why the birds relented. But chicks in the nest on Thursday might indicate the parents had at first been overly anxious about starting a new family. Or the other logical explanation is that somebody was anticipating a bad report card and resorted to using some tried and true Voodoo to buy himself some time.

Guess which one I subscribe to.

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