 They say be careful what you ask for? Well, I don’t want Elephantiasis. I don’t think I can go wrong with this one. Which line do I get in to sell my soul for this request? I don’t want two things in life. One, I don’t want to go to prison and two, I don’t want Elephantiasis.
Personally I don’t think that is too much to ask for. I mean, I don’t want millions, I don’t want to fuck Trish Stratus, well, I mean I do want to fuck Trish Stratus but I don’t want to waste a prayer on it.
I just don’t want to get pulled over my some Mark Furman and have him toss a crack rock vile in my back seat because he is falling behind meeting his ass whopping quota for the week. I don’t want that and I don’t want some disease that would make my balls so big that I can’t close my legs.
What is Elephantiasis? Technically it is, wait a second give me a second to look this up…ok, here it is “abnormal enlargement of any part of the body due to obstruction of the lymphatic channels in the affected area. In tropical countries, the most common cause is a disease called filariasis, the result of an infestation of small roundworms (genus Filaria) in the Lymphatic System. The condition can also result from the sexually transmitted disease lymphogranuloma venereum.”
In plain English, it is the shit that has this African’s balls dragging on the ground.
Call me shallow because I care enough about what people think of me that I would hate it if my balls looked like two big 34EE tits hanging between my thighs.
Let me get this straight I can only get it if I ingest a “roundworm” or fuck some woman with “lymphogranuloma venereum”. How can I tell she has it? Will she have a clit the size of a softball?
What the fuck is a roundworm anyway? Let me get out my trusty encyclopedia…
…Oh shit…
Roundworm: A parasitic diseases are much more widespread than many people realize. These diseases affect not only impoverished peoples in remote countries but they also can be important health problems for rich and poor throughout the world, including the United States.
Aaarrrrraggaggghhhhhhhhhh!!!
Man, I thought this disease only effected Africans.
See this is the problem being a “religious agnostic”. You don’t have a backup plan to comfort you from your fears of contracting shit like this.
Hey Dubya, let’s make a deal. If will you promise to rid the United States tap water of any and all roundworms you will have 8BM.com’s full endorsement for President of the United States of America. If you live up to your part of the bargain I will refrain from sticking my cock in women with softball size clits and I should be covered with this whole Elephantiasis thing. Then I only have that prison thing to worry about. So how about it?
What I mean by being a “Religious” Agnostic is that I don’t believe in the God proclaimed in the traditional Judeo Christian Tradition religious context. Not that I don’t believe in a higher power.
The higher power that I believe in isn’t all that reliable when it comes to personal requests like this. It has this funny idea that life is to lived and experience is to be learned from. It doesn’t give two fucks about helping me or anyone score a touchdown, hit a homerun, win the heavyweight title, pass an SAT test, or pick winning lottery numbers. So when I want to change my life I have to do it the old fashion way…by myself. |
