I once said that the only way I would see Africa was on pay-per-view. I caught a lot of flack over that. People said that I didn’t give enough reasons to justify a statement like that, or that I am banishing the most beautiful continent in the world just because there are ritual killers running riot in lawless southern Uganda.

No, I am banishing the most beautiful continent in the world because legitimate newspapers report that ghosts and demons are responsible for crimes and nobody questions it. Everyone takes a story like that with as much weight as we do in the west when CNN reports the final numbers at the closing of the NASDAQ. I mean, people go to jail in Kenya for casting ghosts and demons on people. It is law in the books, “Do Not Send Demons To Abuse Little Girls In School”.

I never knew that was a crime that can be prosecuted in the courts. When I sit here, I am at a total loss as to how a prosecuting attorney would even gather evidence to make a case for something like that. Like today for example, a businessman in Nairobi, Kenya, confessed to sending ghosts to attack schoolgirls in eastern Kenya, and it was reported in the East African Standard, a major local newspaper.

Legitimate police arrested the unnamed businessman over the weekend after the pupils of Itokela Girls Secondary School marched to the district commissioner's office to protest against an invasion of ghosts at the school.

The girls said the man had hired the ghosts to torment them after his daughter left the school. See? How the fuck do you hire a ghost?

Once he was confronted by police the man apparently agreed to meet the cost of exorcising the spirits -- who seem to delight in pushing the girls to the floor -- and hired a ghost buster named Ntingili who ``retrieved shells and other witchcraft paraphernalia'' from the school grounds.

What the fuck? He admitted to doing this as if it was only a matter of time before they closed in on him. What kind of pressure was leaning on him from the assistant DA office that made him agree to pay for the exorcism? What kind of thriving occupation is a “ghost buster”? People in the west get caught masturbating and ejaculating in their boss’s coffee cup on a color surveillance camera and still plead not guilty. This guy gets accused of sending a demon to push girls off swing sets and he admits it? In the west we would have just laughed at the girls and told them to get back to class. In Africa, an accusation like that brings the police at your door. How did they know he sent the demon? Did the girls ask the entity? Do you see how messed up this is? Now what do they know about ghosts that we don’t know? Are we missing something here in the west? What do Africans know that we don’t about the supernatural? Honestly, can undead entities be simply conjured out of alternate dimensions with the proper combination of dried chicken bones, broken human teeth and monkey scrotums and made to do your bidding?