This is an actual summary of an official complaint filed against a soft drink bottling company in Kentucky. The name of the company and the product will remain anonymous due to the circumstances in which I came into possession of this piece of information. I bring you this as proof of the fact that proof again that fact is better than fiction.

”His dog had indigestion and he gave him Alka-Seltzer. The dog knocked over a 2 liter of (Carbonated Beverage) that was on the kitchen table.
The dog licked up the (Carbonated Beverage) from the floor and within two hours the dog exploded in his living room. The dog is a Blue-Tic. He used the dog for treeing coons and was also mating the dog for $500.00 per breed. He said the dog was ranked no. 1 in the state of Kentucky for treeing raccoons. He said, the dog had five years of breeding left. He wants a check for $10,000.
He threatened to come to the corporate office and “woop” on some heads if he doesn’t receive a check. He wants money sent via Western Union. He said, it is his wife’s dog and she is very sad about the dog’s death.

He added, he will send his wife here later today, and she will woop some heads herself. He does not want anyone from the bottling company contacting him because they are Yankees. He said he paid $2,000 for the dog five years ago. I continued to inform him that a local representative in his area will contact him within 2 business days. He accepted."

Damn. What is more fucked up, the exploding dog, the Yankee comment, the fact that he wants 10 grand, the fact that he was a champion coon treeer, whatever that is, or that he is threatening to "woop" somebody.