RAW DOGMA written by Nkrumah Steward
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| Some Say The Sky Is Falling. I Say God Is Shitting On South Lakeland. |
It's brown; it's dropping from the sky, and it smells, it's shit.
Nobody knows where it comes from.
It is over everything, cars, picnic tables, and driveways.
If you wash your car you have to do it all over again every two days or so. Since it falls so frequently many people are just leaving the shit wherever it lands.
People in South Lakeland Florida say that they can’t go outside without being overpowered by the smell of all of this…shit.
Where does it come from?
Maybe it’s coming from high-flying birds, higher-flying airplanes, pollen or even something to do with those nearby high-voltage power lines?
Or maybe, South Lakeland has just been getting shit on by God.
``I don't see any birds or planes. I don't get where it's coming from,'' Demetra Kaltos a resident of south Lakeland said. ``It doesn't wash out good. It's ruining my clothes and everything. I can't even go into my back yard because this stuff is falling from the sky everywhere and it's disgusting,'' Kaltsos said. ``I don't know if it's going to be hazardous to my kids.''
It seems the closer one goes to Cimarron Drive in south Lakeland, the more spots appear.
Health officials are equally mystified.
Gene Jeffers, an environment-engineering administrator for the Polk County Health Department said samples were taken to a laboratory at the state Department of Environmental Protection for testing. The results of those tests however could take several days.
``It seems to me to be organic in nature,'' he said.
Just like shit.
Why would God shit on Lakeland? The important question is not why would God shit, but more troubling than that is why on Lakeland? It is not my place to say. I can speculate all day but how far is that going to get us? Once health officials become “mystified” about something like this and we can rule out low flying Unidentified Flying Objects from the probable suspects sometimes we have to turn an suspicious eye to our vengeful, jealous, do as I say not as I do, omnipotent deity cum laude.
I know, I know, my logic is impeccable. I could’ve convicted OJ only bothering to showing up in court on Wednesday afternoons. |
