The Fairfax Journal is reporting that a woman was driving her rental car south on Interstate 95 at about 2 a.m. when she felt something on her foot. She turned on the interior light in the car and saw a fucking python which had slithered down from the beneath the dashboard onto her foot…

….

I am going to file this one under "assassination attempt". This is apparently what happens when Karma just wants to get your attention. The fact that this woman, and anyone else that was on the road that night is still alive is the first modern day miracle that I have heard since that one dude lived for three hours after being run over and completely cut in half by that semi-truck in that parking lot.
They way this story should've run is, "woman has sudden unexpected heart attack, swerves all over the road before getting airborne over the median, careening into on coming traffic, smashing head-on into a semi truck, exploding into flames. Woman and her pet snake "Snoopy" are charred beyond recognition." Her family is at a press conference the next day and will insist that she never owned a pet snake, bla bla bla bla. Somehow a talent less DJ in Chicago named Man Cow is able to pin this on the Clinton Administration and dirty liberals trying to take away all his guns.

The rental company says that they have no idea how the python got in the car.