Our
waitress sat us down at a square table across from a wall of booths.
With the window behind us my friend and I took our seats not realizing
that we were placing ourselves in the perfect position to be eye witness
to the most grotesque example of what could go wrong in genetics I
had ever seen.
I swear I am not trying to exaggerate for the sake of entertainment.
If I was looking to find investors for a circus I had just found my
meal ticket.
They were a family of four. A father, a mother, a daughter and a son.
At first glance you would think they were the perfect nuclear family.
But I swear to God these people were so fucking ugly if they had a
family dog that could in any way resemble them, the bastard would
have had to had 5 legs to fit in.
The daughter was the first to catch my attention.
She was very pale, had an Afro of red hair, stood about 4 feet tall,
looked about 6 years old and weighed every bit of 140 pounds. To top
it off she looked like someone had placed the head of that dude in
“Mask” on her body. She had a six inch forehead and
as many teeth in her mouth as a crocodile.
I looked over at Marvin who had apparently seen what I had seen before
me, because he was hiding his face behind his menu. Peeking over the
top of it with a look of total disbelief.
I took a look at the mother, and this woman at first glance looked
normal. Then again, anybody would look normal after looking at that
kid. I quickly noticed that the daughter favored her because she too
had the “Mask” thing going on, but at least on the mom the
head was proportionate. But when she went to pick up her glass I gasped
when I saw that this bitch had the hands of a fucking five year old!
It was the freakiest thing I had ever seen. An actual working hand
the size of a 5 year old on a 30 year old woman.
I
immediately looked down at her feet and they were the smallest feet
I had ever seen on a woman. At first her toes looked normal but then
I noticed that each toe was the exact same length as her big toe!
I looked back at my friend and I saw he was starting to dry heave.
There would be no way, that I would be able to eat like this.
I quickly panned back towards their table and caught the mother looking
directly at us. I mean I think she was looking at us. I take it on
her planet they must use telepathy to communicate because she didn't
say shit. They must also have an incredible sense of smell because
where her eyes were positioned on her head she had to have been damn
near blind.
The bitch's eyes were so close to each other your could barely place two fingers side by side between them. She wasn't cross eyed, but she had to have had next to nothing in terms of peripheral vision. Hence the reason she would need an acute sense of smell.
There was an internal struggle being waged inside of me.
I was in a battle. On the one hand part of me was saying to myself
that it was rude to stare at them.
Well, I actually wasn't staring because I couldn't. Physically, I couldn't.
Then there was this other part of me that felt compelled to look at
them when they would look away because it was almost like I was witnessing
something that most people only get to see a once in a lifetime.
It was like I was witnessing history.
They were so ugly that I felt like I was being rude by just looking
at them. Like they were “un-look-at-able”. They were the
type of ugly that most people would just assume had to come from a
disease of some kind.
Most people with disabilities that I see have a chip on their shoulder.
Like, “yeah I have a clubbed foot, and if you don’t
quit staring at me I am going to stuff it up your ass”
attitude to them. They are aware that everyone thinks that "they
can't do this" and "they can't do that",
so they are out to prove to the world how independent they can be.
They are aware of how the world views them.
Not these motherfuckers.
They had no clue why everyone around them was barely touching the
food on their plates.
I noticed that everyone around us was eating those little cracker
packages off the center piece to calm their stomachs.
This was no disease.
The dad, who actually looked normal, but whom was obviously under suspicion by association got up and wobbled little Jabba the redheaded “Mask” girl to the bathroom. And that is when I got a clear look at his son whom had been shielded from my view before.
This kid's teeth were so big that he couldn't get his lips over them. He had to open his mouth wide open to breath.
At least 5 teeth, and that is a very conservative estimate, on the top row in his mouth stuck out from his head so far that I can't believe that braces are even an option. The only way they are going to get those teeth back within the reach of his lips is to just break them above the gums and reseat them. Come to think of it, they didn’t look like teeth they actually looked like tumors growing on his gums.
Once the kid looked over at me and smiled all I could think was “does
it eat me or does it feed me?”
That put me over the edge. My friend and I immediately stood up and
sat in the chairs directly across from us so that this family would
be at our backs. Then we started eating the crackers to settle our
stomachs.
We looked over at the tables around us and everyone was dry heaving,
staring and looking like they were struggling with the same forces
that we were.
We stared at the window facing the street and tried to change the
subject.
When the father came back, he picked up his sister/wife and his son/nephew
daughter/niece and they all got up and left.
For the next few weeks or so I expect nightmares...
Our
waitress sat us down at a square table across from a wall of booths.
With the window behind us my friend and I took our seats not realizing
that we were placing ourselves in the perfect position to be eye witness
to the most grotesque example of what could go wrong in genetics I
had ever seen.
